HOMECOMING

The ramp was new, built by neighbors while he was in the hospital. Oh, God! What would she have done without them and their generosity? As she helped him out of the van and onto the driveway, he looked around as if seeing their home for the first time and she could read his thoughts. She started to push the chair and he waved her away, mostly a pride thing, she knew, needing to know if he could do it for himself. She stepped aside, her heart aching as he struggled to navigate each agonizing inch. She knew he was trying to make it look like it didn’t hurt, but she also knew the pain must be excruciating. 

The fall from the scaffolding had been weeks ago, and she thanked God every day that he had survived. And he cursed the same God for not taking him. Now, after weeks of rehab, he was home, his lower body forever useless – a bitter pill for this athletic man. He allowed her to hold the door open while he struggled over the threshold and into the house.

Assuming a chipper attitude she didn’t feel, she said she would put his things away and meet him in the kitchen so she could prepare dinner. And before he could ask, she said that the kids were staying with her folks for a few days. She almost ran to the back of the house, where the contractor had only yesterday finished remodeling the den into a new master bedroom. The adjacent bathroom, a new addition with a wide door and a walk-in shower, was still not finished but useable. The contractor had worked non-stop on that. She peeked in and looked at herself in the mirror and quickly grabbed her hairbrush from her ‘box’ of personal items and ran it thru her hair. She looked around the two rooms and smiled….. this would do very nicely, and she prayed he would be pleased.

Back in the kitchen, he was sitting by the French doors, looking out at the glimmering pool in the back yard. He loved the pool, loved to swim laps. His hard, tanned body was a testament to his physical lifestyle. He wasn’t like most engineers…. when he was on a job, he was ON a job. She read his thoughts and turned away, quickly grabbing dishes and setting the table. The doctor had recommended light fare for the first few days so tonight was a shrimp salad (prepared that morning) and rolls, and strawberry sorbet for dessert. Only took a few minutes before dinner was served and they sat together in an uncomfortable and unusual silence and ate. While she cleaned up the kitchen, he went out on the porch to enjoy the sunset, and she made two cups of decaf, and carried them out. She gasped audibly as her hands shook as she passed him the cup, and his quick look into her eyes made her weak with fear. ‘Keep it normal’, the doctors had said. Dear God! How?

The rest of the evening went by slowly. He retired to his study to look over the pile of correspondence on his desk, much of which was cards from friends and colleagues. She bustled about doing laundry, carrying out the trash. When she stuck her head in the study to tell him she was going to call the kids to say goodnight, she paused, hoping for……. what? He smiled and said ‘give them my love’, and turned back to his desk. Smiling, she walked away, fighting hard to hold back the tears.

It wasn’t long before the activity of the day had taken its toll on both of them, and he said he thought he would head for bed. She let him go into the room alone, thinking it best for him to jump that hurdle alone, though he knew she had been having the work done. He entered the room and stopped, taking it all in, and then he raised his head towards the ceiling and she knew in her heart that he was thinking of their old room upstairs – their haven for so many years, and thinking he would never see it again. Well damnit, she thought. We have a new one now! And she felt her heart fill with resolution to make it happen. After a little while, she joined him in the room, and with joviality she didn’t feel, asked him what he thought. He was lying in the bed, propped up on a pile of pillows. He smiled for the first time and said, ‘it has the feeling of a motel room….. a strangeness I’ll have to get used to. But remember how we always loved staying in a motel? Made you ‘naughty’, and her heart raced. She smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, slowly undressing as he watched. He had the sheet pulled up over his waist and she had no idea what he was wearing, if anything. He had always slept in the nude…. they both had….. so she wasn’t sure what to do. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, she remembered the doctor’s words ‘NORMAL’…. And she slipped in beside him, naked.

He lay there, staring at the ceiling. She lay there, watching him.
And then, realizing that the rest of her life might depended on what she did next, she slowly slid across the sheets to him and leaned in and kissed him…. tentatively at first, until he began to respond, and then hungrily. Oh God, she prayed, help me help him. And she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart race, and feeling her own racing with it. Turning slightly against his side, she smiled into his eyes and screamed silently ‘I love you!’ as she began kissing his throat. She felt his hands on her shoulders and her heart stopped, knowing he was about to push her away. But instead, he gently began lightly caressing her back, his strong hands touching her as only he knew how. She smiled inwardly and continued kissing him, slowly kissing down his chest, stopping at his nipple to take it in her teeth and press…… then kissing across his chest and repeating on his other nipple. Then she rose to her knees, knelt beside him on the bed, and slowly pulled back the sheet. Smiling, she looked in his eyes, and spoke silently to his soul with her smile… ‘we will be fine’.

His look showed his surprise at his state of semi-arousal, and he leaned back and closed his eyes. She flipped the sheet back and very carefully lifted each leg, moving them just far enough apart for her to kneel between them. She slid her hands up his torso to his shoulders, gripped him tightly for a second, sinking her fingernails into his muscled flesh and she buried her face in his groin. His sharp intake of breath told her what the doctors had hinted at and she said a silent prayer of thanks. And then, like that first time years ago, she took her man on a trip to the edge of heaven, using her mouth as skillfully as a brain surgeon wields a scalpel. Her hands flat on his chest, feeling his racing heart, told her all she needed to know, and later, as she drank from him like a thirsty baby, his moans and his smile reassured her that indeed, they could both survive anything.